


Everything That Is Wrong

by GreenFish



Category: Actor RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-17
Updated: 2013-09-17
Packaged: 2017-12-26 20:23:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/969911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenFish/pseuds/GreenFish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Response to this prompt on the Multi-Fandom RPF ficathon:  <i>comedy/trainspotting, ewan mcgregor/louis c.k., ewan runs into louis unexpectedly at an event - it's louis' chance to prove he wants the famous blowjob (louis and his wife have a guilt-free three agreement so... no guilt to taint it)</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything That Is Wrong

He hated coming to these damn events. If his publicist hadn't basically given him the 'last rites' he wouldn't have gone. But according to her, "Things are going too well for you to pass this up." So here he was, at some shitty Hollywood event, God, he hated these things. 

Some fucking shitty ass actor was walking up to him, and all he could think to himself was, _Go away, just go away,_ but he came up anyway. 

"Hey, man! You're Louis C.K.! I love your standup, man."

He didn't even recognize the prick, except that he was way too groomed to be straight by a long shot. Louis rubbed his eyes between two fingers, considering his approach. Should he just be a prick and get rid of the guy, or would it be better to let him off easy? As with everyone in Hollywood, he might _know_ someone, so. He sighed inwardly.

"Thanks," Louis said, putting on the best smile he could muster. _Where the fuck was the bar in this place?_

"Yeah, I watched your cable show, too -- both of them. They're so great."

"Awesome," he managed to spit out before finally spotting the bar in the far corner. "Listen -- I have to go see someone." 

He shook the actor's too-soft hand. "Good luck with everything."

"Thanks, man," the kid said. 

At least he hadn't screwed that up royally.

==

He was about two whiskey-on-the-rocks into the bar when someone sidled up next to him at the bar, too close for comfort. 

"What the fuck, man--?" he started to say when he turned right into the face of someone he actually fucking recognized.

It was a matter of seconds before his bar companion grinned back wildly at him, all perfect teeth and tousled hair. _(How the fuck did he do that, anyway -- making it look tousled and awesome at the same time, damn it.)_

"Louis -- do you go by Louis C.K., or just Louis?"

"Louis is fine," he frowned. "You know who I am?" How the fuck did this guy know who he was? Louis was a piece of shit, just a comedian who'd had a few lucky breaks.

"I guess you didn't see my bit on Jay Leno -- he showed me your standup routine."

He thought for a minute. _Oh, fuck._

"The one where you told your audience that you would just fuck me in the mouth if you saw me? Does that offer still stand?"

_How drunk am I?_ he thought to himself. _Drunk enough to answer this honestly?_ Because if honesty were in the cards, it wouldn't be a lie to say that his joke was 100 percent true. Still, if he had any sense of sanity, he'd say it was just a joke. It was supposed to be just a joke, right?

"Uh," was all Louis said.

"Ewan," he returned, holding his hand out amicably. 

Louis shook it, dumbfounded. Was he just fucking with him, or was he serious? It was hard to tell. He was stupidly hot for a guy. _Fuck._

"So, then? Does that offer stand?"

"You're serious," Louis said, as quietly as he could. Damn it, his dick was starting to get hard. This was the last thing he needed right now. He was a straight guy, damn it. He'd had sex with more chicks than he could count on his two hands (probably not much more than that, if -- again, he was being honest), and, well-- he'd never actually had feelings for a guy before, but, damn it, this fucking guy was actually pretty damn hot in person. 

Why had he made that goddamn joke in the first place?

"Um," he said.

"Let's go somewhere else to have a chat," Ewan said, in that damn ridiculous Scottish brogue. 

And before he knew it, he was being lead off by his hand to some service area, maybe? It was behind a curtain and there were stacks of chairs and trays but not much else, and the next thing he knew, Ewan had him pressed up against the partition, his lips hovering over Louis's. 

_Fuck,_ Louis thought.

"I've been thinking about you fucking me ever since you made that joke in your routine. And I know maybe you weren't totally serious, but, you know -- I thought maybe I'd see if you'd put your money where your mouth is." He paused for a second, grinning. "So to speak."

"Wow," was the only word Louis could get out. Who the fuck was this guy?

It must have been obvious Louis really wasn't going to do shit, so Ewan got to task, and pressed his mouth against his, pushing his tongue into Louis's mouth. 

_Goddamn it,_ he thought, _that is fucking fantastic._ If he had to imagine how the fucker kissed, that's exactly how he would have imagined it. Ewan knew exactly what to do and it wasn't even thirty seconds before Louis's dick started to hurt, it was straining so fucking hard against his pants. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

"So you like it?" Ewan whispered, running his mouth against his stubble and up towards his ear.

"Uh," was all he was able to get out.

"Let me help you out," Ewan laughed, and the next thing he knew, Louis heard the sound of Ewan's knees cracking as he bent down, right at crotch level. He started to undo Louis's zipper. "You ready for this, big boy?"

Louis pursed his lips together, unable to speak. _What in the holy fuck._

Before he even knew what was happening, his dick was gone, springing free from his boxers like fucking Usain Bolt at the Olympics. _So much for subtlety,_ he thought.

Immediately, Ewan's mouth was on him, wet and warm, and God, so good. Fuck. He immediately started rocking back and forth, because, all jokes aside, who could _not_ do something when you felt that on your dick? 

"Fuck you," Louis managed to get out. 

"I think you are," Ewan managed to say as he slid Louis's dick out of his mouth. Louis immediately regretted the action, and somehow, Ewan saw it on his face. "Want more?" he said, teasingly. 

_I fucking hate you so much,_ Louis thought. Maybe more than that, he hated being a fucking man, with all the fucking impulses and desires and how he just wanted to fuck the fuck out of him, just to get at him. And suddenly, it didn't matter, and he said, "Yes."

And so Ewan put his mouth back around him and before he knew it he was fucking that asshole's mouth so hard, he could barely stand it, oh my fucking God, he was almost there, _yes, oh my God, yes, yes..._

And just like that, it was over. Ewan got up, wiped his mouth, and nodded at him. And then he was gone. 

The only thing he could think was, _Well, shit. How am I going to work that one into my routine?_


End file.
